Mad World
by frostlight
Summary: A suicidal Tsuzuki finding out once more that he has more than one reason to die.


Note this song is by tears for fears, Gary Jules did a cover of the song.

**Mad World**

by : frost2light

_All around me are familiar faces  
_

_Worn out places_

_Worn out faces_

Asato Tsuzuki walked aimlessly down the well trodden paths littered with sakura petals. It was that time of the year where the flowers fell and withered, creating brown smudges on the ground. He looked up into the sky, it was still bright and the birds were still about. Flying, chirping, doing whatever that they did. He held out a finger and a bird alighted on it, pulling a smile from Tsuzuki's pale, strained face.

The blue bird cocked its head, beak opening and closing, trying to warble out a song as if to cheer him up. Yet, after a few seconds, nothing came out. To Tsuzuki in his current mood, the bird seemed to be silently cursing him, scolding him in an unheard language about his past and his smile disappearing, he looked away guiltily. Squashing the urge to fling the bird away, he shook his hand gently making the bird fly away and leaving Tsuzuki alone to his own morbid thoughts.

_It was this time also that I killed that whole family. A little girl's shoe, and her voice telling how she loved her family, her voice so brave yet so afraid. She did not have to die. It was not her time to die._

Tsuzuki raised his head to the sky, as if in a silent plea and closed his eyes, feeling the breeze. Please let it rain, if water could cleanse me then please let it rain. If just a drizzle, let it mask my tears. But nothing came for the sinned. Tsuzuki sighed and continued walking, his hands deep in his pockets and his unseeing violet eyes focused on nothing except his own memories.

_Bright and early for the daily races  
Going no where  
Going no where  
_

Kurosaki Hisoka looked from afar. An empath, he could feel the vibes coming off Tsuzuki in waves spelling something was wrong in big capital letters. Wondering what triggered this sudden withdrawal, Hisoka sighed inwardly. He had grown fond of this man, this pathetic excuse of a Shinigami. Hisoka did not know whether to strangle Tsuzuki or comfort him. His feelings in a turmoil, he blew his brown hair impatiently out of his eyes. Noticing, the older man's departure, he folded his arms across his chest and waited. Tsuzuki would sense his presence soon and only then would he go to him. Now was not the time to intrude into other's personal space. He was not that stupid nor did he want to get killed from the remorse pouring out of Tsuzuki's pores.

_Their tears are filling up their glasses  
No expression  
No expression  
_

Tsuzuki stopped when he reached the end of the garden where the small table and two chairs were. He pulled out a chair and sat, burrowing his head into his hands. His brain told him that he needed no one, that this place was not special. People around him died in handfuls because that was who he is, a devil, and he was sitting here in this present place was merely a matter of tiredness. But his heart snorted and he knew better than to try to convince himself otherwise. Tatsumi Seichiiro, a bespectacled man, serious with a sarcastic sense of humour had told him here that the people in the bureau cared for him and wanted him to stop being so stupid and senseless. Tsuzuki's mouth curled up in a wry smile as the words came back to him.

"_Go on and die." He had snapped that one fine day, voice unyielding and cold. His cornflower blue eyes never leaving his documents in front him. " And I will guarantee you that the people here will never allow you to be reborn. You shall be deprived of all the sweet things that you love and you will become a ghost that will be only run errands for us."_

_"But..." _

_"No buts. Get out of here and do something for a change. Your salary is not cheap."_

_" Not cheap!" Tsuzuki had spluttered. His wages were the lowest in all history not to mention in all departments. Even the cleaners' were substantially more luxurious than his. The only thing stopping him from walking away with a huff was Tatsumi's fists which were clenched. Tightly. _

_Tsuzuki looked away, his eyes sad. He was always making people worry. He did not deserve this kindness. He did not deserve to live.  
_

"_Damn you, Tsuzuki. We need you here so stop thinking about dying. It's bloody pissing us off." _

Tsuzuki needed this place to ground him back to reality. He needed this place to realize that he really was needed. But, this small conversation can only last him for so long. Those suicidal intentions were pushing against the prison his mind had created for them and the mental barriers were weakening, those horrible memories of blood and death resurfacing once in a while just to torment him.

Sitting there until the sun went down, Tsuzuki resumed his cheerful attitude in the office, ticking Tatsumi off and joking with everyone, acting his barbaric pretentious self and Hisoka was the only one in that room who knew better.

_Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow  
No tomorrow  
No tomorrow_

" Damn you Muraki." Tsuzuki said through gritted teeth, his fists clenched. Tsuzuki prowled around the murder scene searching for whatever clue that demented soul had left behind for him. Kazutaka Muraki enjoyed toying with him. Tsuzuki knew that he had hid something here for his eyes only. Tsuzuki ignored Hisoka's warning glance, and stalked the whole room that stank of lavender perfume and death. Muraki had been thorough this time, every single thing was in place, and the woman who had the gaping slit neck was smiling. Her pale face angelic and peaceful, yet to Tsuzuki it looked horrible. She was not supposed to die.

Tsuzuko knew he was on the brink of falling but he could not help himself. The emotional torture every time he had to face while looking at dead people he could not avoid. It was his repentance for his past sins and he will do whatever possible to stop that madman. Avoiding the body until it was the last thing there was in the room that he had yet checked out, Tsuzuki felt a sense of dread come over him. He had flicked his violet eyes to access the damage and that was it, and now he knew for sure that bastard Muraki had hid something there.

"Tsuzuki, I can do it. " Hisoka's calm voice came from behind Tsuzuki but it was as if Tsuzuki did not hear it, his hand reaching out automatically towards the dead woman. " Asato!" Hisoka said more sharply this time but still no effect.

_  
And I find it kind of funny  
I find it kind of sad  
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had _

Tsuzuki could feel the pull, Muraki must have spelled the body to become a portal. That explained the neatness, the untouched things, the body the only thing out of place. Muraki had only needed this body, this one thing that he knew would lure the Shinigami's to investigate. Muraki only touched things that benefited him, concerned him, others he did not care about. He was counting on the fact that dead people required attention too. Tsuzuki heard the familiar roar of traveling through a portal in his ears, he had been so stupid. He should have known not to go near anything that stank like Muraki but it was already too late to pull back.

Too late.

Tsuzuki felt himself drowning in the blackness that overwhelmed him, and the last thing he heard before everything blacked out was Hisoka's panicked voice calling his name and the feel of that warm hand grabbing for his before the cold took over.

"_I'm sorry that I had to do this but you do understand right? You are the perfect specimen, look at you. You don't need to eat, drink and still you are able to survive. Do you know what I could do with your genes if I get this right?" The old man's voice droned on and on and on, while a small boy with fair hair peeked around the door to Tsuzuki's room. Tsuzuki's violet eyes traced the boy's movement, he was extremely young and he would grow to a handsome man when he was older. Tsuzuki raised a weak hand towards the young boy and smiled. _

" _Bring me away little angel." He whispered in his mind as the little boy looked on at the undying young man. " Bring me away into another place where nightmares don't exist."_

Tsuzuki awoke with a headache and a raging thirst. He fought to open his eyes which were too heavy for his liking and when he finally did, light pierced though and he closed them again. Finding the courage to open once again, his violet eyes peeked out through a slit before finally widening. Forgetting the grittiness and the soreness, his eyes grew terrified.

" Welcome Asato." A voice purred beside Tsuzuki's ear, his voice deep and hypnotizing. Fingers he could not see patted his head and played with his hair before sliding down towards his mouth, gently parting his lips. Tsuzuki wanted to bite those intruding fingers but found that he could not.

" Where am I?" Tsuzuki rasped out, his throat parched. He could not move his hands and feet but his body was on something soft. He did not like being tied down but this was not the first time. Resigning himself to just ask, he tried to calm his internal turmoil. He had been at a site, how did he end up here?

" You don't remember this place?" Muraki asked, his voice feigning hurt as his profile finally came into view. He was no longer in his white trench coat but in a snugly fitting black turtleneck and his trademark tailored white pants which showed off his perfect physique. His white blond hair flopped naturally to disguise the artificial eye he had while his hands played with the air. Tsuzuki watched warily, not wanting to say anything, partly because his throat hurt and another was because he did not want to entertain his captor.

" You can't always stay quiet you know." Muraki went on, coming closer towards the bound man. " I promise solemnly that I will make you scream. Pleasure in pain, pain in pleasure, it's up to you to choose. You can't run away."

" Damn you Muraki. What the hell do you want with me?" Tsuzuki demanded, his face angry yet there was that slight trace of resignation in his voice which Muraki heard. Muraki's lips curled up, a cruel and sardonic smile. He walked towards the door, opened it and went out. Tsuzuki looked on in puzzlement and something warned him that he was not about to like what he was about to see.

" Bring me away little angel. Bring me where nightmares don't exist." Tsuzuki's violet eyes grew horrified as he remembered his words, that dream where a little boy watched on as his torture went on, that dream, the old man, the little boy. It was Muraki? It was this madman? He had asked a madman to bring him away?

" Do you remember now, little angel?" Muraki's voice came from behind the door, taunting, teasing, promising more to come. Triggered by a sudden need to run, Tsuzuki struggled against his bondage, the ropes rubbing against his skin, against the scars that his watch had hid most of the time. Blood welled up, and the more he rubbed, trickled down his skin, before stopping to dye the white pillow crimson.

"Please. Let me go. Let me go." Tsuzuki pleaded, his sanity slowly draining away as those memories of being another man's specimen came back, the helplessness, the primal need to die as he laid there. " Why do you want me to remember?" He cried out.

" Because your voice is like music to my ears Tsuzuki." Muraki whispered, sitting down beside the struggling Shinigami before bending down and his tongue flicked out to lick at the trickling blood.

Whimpering, Tsuzuki struggled more violently, biting his lip so hard till he could taste the metallic tang of blood. Muraki's head came up and into Tsuzuki's violet eyes. His tongue flicked over his lips, licking them and staining them even redder than it was before. He smiled elegantly, revealing perfectly aligned pearly white bloodstained teeth.

"You taste so sweet Shinigami. Is this how a demon taste like?" He asked, his voice soothing as his long fingers combed through Tsuzuki's soft brown strands with extreme gentleness, but Tsuzuki knew better because Muraki's gleaming eye showed the hunger of a predator for its prey.

"Please go away. Please let me go. Please."

"You will scream for me Asato. You owe me because I took you away from your nightmare. This is your dream right now. Do you want to die Asato? Do you want to escape me? This is your way of repentance. This is your victims' way of punishing you. This is your way to die."

_  
I find it hard to tell you  
I find it hard to take  
When people run in circles it's a very very  
Mad world  
Mad world _

Hisoka paced the room, up and down, up and down, frustration and worry written all over his stoic features, he needed to burn off his pent up energy, he wanted action but he knew that there was nothing he could do. Not when there was absolutely nothing to follow. No trail, no clues. The woman's body had combusted once its job was done, and after the smoke had cleared, Tsuzuki was gone, leaving behind nothing, not even a shoe. Hisoka cursed silently, anger trying to cover for his shame but as he looked out of the huge windows of the bureau, his eyes mirrored what he truly felt.

Guilt.

Tatsumi looked up at the pacing boy, sighed silently before continuing to stare at the pile of work in front of him. He understood the tension, the helplessness. He understood it perfectly well. He had been through it too in the past. Every time Tsuzuki disappeared when he was his partner, his stomach would roll, his gastric juices threatening to eat a hole in it. The description of butterflies in his stomach was no longer apt. That could not even come close to the dread especially when you were to blame for your partner's wellbeing. That was partly why he chose not to be Tsuzuki's partner anymore and settled for paperwork. Organized, neatly typed letters calmed him but now as he sat there, the old feeling came back and the shadows behind him danced and flickered like Hell's flames. It was a silent promise for the one responsible.

He. Will. Burn.

Yutaka Watari slammed his fist into the wall, his eyes flashing with the anger he could not dispense. There was nothing to be found in the systems. He had painstakingly updated his databases every day and nothing comes up when he needs it! His fingers itched to strangle anything and anybody but nothing was available. Everybody knew better to stay out of his way when he was mad. His eyes behind the specs looked from Tatsumi to Hisoka and took in everything before going back towards his computer, fingers flying across the keyboard like a pianist with a piano at staccato. These were his friends, companions that had accompanied him through those endless undead days. Being a Shinigami promised eternal youth but the job that came hand in hand was lonely and very often filled frustration. It was an extremely mad world out there. Ghosts, ghouls, vampires, the people whose intentions were never pure kept their days busy so that there was no time to breathe, no time to think. These things drove you crazy slowly and having people to keep you sane was beautiful. He would kill to keep his companions where they belonged, safe and sound.

_  
Children waiting for the day they feel good  
Happy birthday  
Happy birthday _

"_Happy birthday Asato!" The older man held a small cupcake with four red candles alight on it, its red wax dripping onto the chocolate surface of the cupcake, creating a red gooey mess. Tsuzuki tried to look away but he had no strength, his eyes followed the path of the wax blindly, blankly. They looked like blood, why did he choose red candles? Why was he still alive?_

_He was so tired. So so tired. _

" _This makes your fourth year here, make a wish won't you?" The older man said, his voice merry. Tsuzuki's eyes slowly crawled to look into the man's eyes and the older man pushed the cupcake into Tsuzuki's face. Everything was so bright. If he pulled the candles onto himself, would he burn? Closing his eyes, Tsuzuki tried to close out the hope that those candles represented and the helpless tears leaked through his closed eyelids and onto the pillow beneath him. He didn't even know he was crying, he had thought he had forgotten how.  
_

_"Subject is crying. He has no intake of fluids and food yet he can still cry. He is amazing."_

Tsuzuki awoke to that fading voice. His violet eyes opened and he was awake again. The bright fluorescent white was dimmed and he could not discern anything or anybody. Could he try to escape? The pain from his abrasions was dulled to a faraway throb, it was the painkillers Muraki had fed him to keep him both docile and pain free. He did not know whether it was a blessing or a curse. He wanted the pain, he needed the pain to know that he was still alive. But, he hated the pain that reminded him that he was still alive. Tsuzuki's lips curled up into an ironic smile, Muraki's madness was infectious.

_  
Made to feel the way that every child should  
Sit and listen  
Sit and listen _

Watari raised his hand in a gesture of victory as his eyes read through the information presented in front of him. " Muraki just rented an abandoned warehouse outside Kyoto. This is his address. But wait, there is no blueprint here. What the hell happened to the blueprints!" Watari fumed a little, thinking before his fingers flew once again across the keyboard, pounding it.

" Yes!" He crowed out before pressing the Print button with an air of finality. Grabbing at the printout, he donned his jacket and said " Let's go."

_  
Went to school and I was very nervous  
No one knew me  
No one knew me_

" You know Tsuzuki, I should school you in the arts of more carnal pleasures. You would make a perfect student. You have the perfect body, and those violet eyes…." Muraki's warm breath caressed Tsuzuki's face as he bent down to talk. "Those violet eyes that beseeches people to just use you, they make you look so vulnerable, so willing. What would you be willing to do to make me release you?"

Muraki's hands played with Tsuzuki's shirt buttons, unbuttoning them slowly, taking his time to touch the bare skin revealed after the buttons came undone. Tsuzuki tried not to shiver, the melody Muraki's finger played was sensuous and he could not help himself from trembling.

" Do you want me to kiss you?" Muraki's voice was hypnotic, luring Tsuzuki into a dream that would soon become his worst nightmare. " Where do you want me to touch you? Here? Here? Or…here?" Muraki grabbed at Tsuzuki's crotch making him start, awakening him from the haze of self delusion.

" You are enjoying it aren't you, pet." Muraki chuckled, his humour cutting through into Tsuzuki's shame. He was enjoying it. Muraki was a professional in pleasure and he was being seduced. His reactions were normal but this situation was definitely not normal. He was playing into Muraki's trap like a docile lamb.

" Tsk..tsk. Don't try to stop yourself from feeling, you are doing perfectly fine. It's beautiful to see someone enjoying what you are teaching them. It's the pride of the teacher if your student gets to learn more."

" Get away from me."

" Do you really want me to?" Muraki said as his hands and mouth started working in tandem. Tsuzuki's breath hitched in his throat, his breaths coming out in harsh ragged gasps. Tsuzuki could feel Muraki's hands on the zipper of his pants and he could feel the strain of needing to be freed. His mind screamed at him to stop feeling, to stop degrading himself but his body refused to heed. His back arched as Muraki touched a sensitive spot and hissed out as Muraki bent down to lick and caress it with his tongue.

" You like this don't you? Are you sure now you want me to go away?"

" Yes. Kuso! Go away." Tsuzuki gasped out amidst the pleasure signals his parts were sending his brain before screaming out loud as Muraki bit down hard, drawing blood.

" That teaches you to lie. Do you or do you not want me to go away?" Muraki asked again. " Pleasure in pain, pain in pleasure. It's your choice how to break Tsuzuki. But I guarantee you, you will break."

_  
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson  
Look right through me  
Look right through me  
_

Tsuzuki came. His back arched right into Muraki's, straining against the bonds, feeding to the air the smell of newly shed blood, mingling with the sex and musk of two sweating men. His feet were spread and tied securely to the bed post and his body was covered with a light sheen of sweet and bruises where Muraki had bit him and hit him were colouring up nicely. Tsuzuki was tired, both emotionally and physically and Muraki was grinning down at him like a Cheshire cat who had just eaten the bird.

"There, that wasn't so bad wasn't it?" He said flipping Tsuzuki's wounded nipple before clamping down on it once again, eliciting a howl of pain from Tsuzuki when he did not answer Muraki's question. "You had better learn faster to be truthful. It's such as shame to hurt such a perfect body."

" Go to hell, Muraki." Tsuzuki whispered brokenly, lacking in power and strength while Muraki merely grinned.

" I'm in Hell. Your hell, Asato. And it seems that you have yet to learn your lesson." Muraki said before plunging viciously once again in Tsuzuki's torn anus, the blood slicking his passage. Tsuzuki screamed, struggling against his bonds and Muraki bent down, never stopping his assault and whispered, "Your screams are truly music to my ears."

_And I find it kind of funny  
I find it kind of sad  
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had _

Tatsumi, Hisoka and Watari found a naked, delirious Tsuzuki bound to the bed, his body covered with teeth marks and blood. It was everywhere, from his wounded wrists, from his torn behind, painting his body an ugly dark crimson. Hisoka looked away, not being able to see Tsuzuki so wounded and broken, like an angel with his wings torn and left to burn in Hell.

Tatsumi strode across the room, swallowing the bile that arose and trying to keep his calm façade in place. Tsuzuki was shivering and mumbling incoherently, he took off his jacket and covered Tsuzuki's body but Tsuzuki grabbed his hand with an inhumane strength and pulled downwards. Tatsumi went with the flow and tried to listen to what Tsuzuki was trying to say, he doubted that Tsuzuki recognized anybody at that moment but when Tsuzuki's blank eyes latched on him, his words were sane and dead.

" Can I please die now?"

_  
I find it hard to tell you  
I find it hard to take  
When people run in circles it's a very very  
Mad world  
Mad world  
_

* * *

Author's note: I was on a very long hiatus and I apologize. This is what I created when I had a little breathing time. The title and the song does not belong to me, neither does the characters of Yami no Matsuei. Please read and review, if the story was a bit confusing or too complicated tell me. Please don't let it give you nightmares. 


End file.
